Choosing to Believe: How I Found Peace in the Middle of My Faith Journey

Faith, Agency, and Learning to Choose What You Believe

Faith and agency have been on my mind lately. They've always been a big part of my life, though not always in a peaceful way. But right now I'm in a space where I genuinely love both of them, and I wanted to talk about that.

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Faith Is Personal. That's Actually the Point.

Faith is fascinating to me, especially in a spiritual and religious sense, because there is no universal proof. The only proof that really exists is personal. What you feel. And I think that's actually a beautiful thing. It makes faith flexible. It makes it yours.

When It Felt Like a Crisis

My own faith journey has not been a straight line. I don't love the term "faith crisis," but if I'm being honest, it felt like one for a while. I was deconstructing beliefs that had never once given me trouble, asking questions I didn't expect to be asking, and trying to make sense of things that had always just made sense. It was uncomfortable and scary and heavy. And part of what made it feel so big was this underlying feeling that I shouldn't be there. Like asking questions meant something was wrong with me or wrong with my faith.

But as I sat with it and confided in my Heavenly Father, something shifted. I started to understand that the discomfort wasn't a sign that I was failing. It was a sign that I was growing. And once I was able to embrace that instead of fear it, everything started to open up.

"I prayed to a God I wasn't entirely sure was there, but deeply wanted to believe in. And what I came to was simple. I wanted to believe. That was enough."

"The discomfort wasn't a sign that I was failing. It was a sign that I was growing."

Faith Is a Muscle. Let It Grow.

There is a book by James Fowler called Stages of Faith that I kept hearing people reference, and it has been really validating for me to learn about. Just like humans go through natural stages of development, our faith does too. It has to. Faith is like a muscle and it needs to be worked. Sometimes we grow in certain areas and plateau in others, and that is okay. Growth and evolution in what we believe is not a threat to our faith. For me, it has become one of the most empowering parts of it.

One thing that has really helped me is the way I approach spiritual resources now. I'm not afraid of any of them anymore. I just pay attention to how they make me feel. If something feels heavy, I move on. If it brings me peace and makes my heart feel light, I stay with it. That filter has opened me up to a much bigger and more beautiful world of spirituality and different perspectives than I ever had access to before.

The Moment I Chose to Believe

There was a moment in the thick of my questioning where I could genuinely see how God could exist and also how God could not exist. I felt evidence for both and I was stuck. I remember talking to my friend Sheena during an energy healing session and telling her this, and she just said, Brynne, will you just choose? That question stayed with me. I prayed about it, to a God I wasn't entirely sure was there but deeply wanted to believe in, and I poured my heart out. And what I came to was simple. I wanted to believe. That was enough for me to go all in.

I've made peace with the idea that if I get to the end of this life and it turns out there isn't a God waiting for me, these beliefs still served me well. They have empowered me and comforted me and made me a better person. I'm okay believing in something I can't prove, and I'm okay if it evolves.

That is actually the moment I felt like I truly owned my agency for the first time, choosing what I wanted to believe based on my own heart and my own desires.

"I'm okay believing in something I can't prove. And I'm okay if it evolves. That is actually the moment I felt like I truly owned my agency for the first time."

A Loving God. Full Stop.

I also no longer believe there is one single correct way to believe. At least that's where I am today. I genuinely think there are multiple ways to live this life and experience joy and access something greater than yourself. I believe in a loving God who loves all of his children, regardless of the choices they make, regardless of whether they attend church, regardless of who they choose to love. That belief has made such a difference for me.

What Guides Me When I Don't Have the Answers

A question I come back to often is, what would love do? I actually made a poster a few years ago with three phrases on it. What is needed. What would love do. What matters most. Those three things have been a really grounding guide for me when I am not sure what the right next step is.

If you are somewhere in your own faith journey right now and it feels heavy, I want you to know that I see you and I'm sending you so much love. I have no doubt that you will find your next right step.

I just hope that when you do, you recognize it.

You got this.

💗 Brynne

Thanks for Being Here

Hi, I’m Brynne. I share my journey of becoming through stories and reflection - guided by a higher power as I explore identity, faith, and everyday life, inviting you to grow alongside me.

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