Love Is the Answer: Alex and Parker on Identity, Faith, and Becoming Dads

Alex and Parker have been together for over a decade, married for five years, and are expecting their first baby boy. They are both Utah raised, both navigated growing up gay in the LDS church, and both came out the other side with a relationship with God that is quieter, simpler, and far more loving than what they were handed as kids.

✨Listen to the full episode or read for the breakdown.

What Identity Actually Is

Parker and Alex both landed on a similar definition of identity, and it is one worth sitting with. Identity is not what was handed to you by your culture, your religion, or your parents. Those things shape you, but they are not you.

Identity is what remains when you strip all of that away.

Parker identified as innately type B and creative. Alex as type A and structured. Both knew they were gay long before they were ready to say it out loud. Alex remembers his first crush in fifth grade and knowing something was different. Parker came out publicly when he and Alex got engaged, after years of quietly navigating BYU's honor code, a mission, and what he describes as correction therapy that was supposed to make him straight.

No amount of outside pressure changed who either of them actually were.

It just delayed them getting there.

The God They Grew Up With vs. the One They Know Now

Alex grew up believing God was black and white, rules-based, and keeping score. He believed that if you weren't fulfilling the callings, passing the sacrament and going to youth activities then you were disappointing God.

He eventually stopped seeing God that way entirely.

Now he describes his relationship with God as simple, loving, and compassionate. He pointed to his mom's unconditional love as the closest earthly example he has, and then said God's love for all of us is even stronger than that.

Parker sits more in the agnostic space. He cannot deny the spiritual experiences he has had, particularly around marrying Alex and getting through some of the hardest seasons of his life. But he no longer needs to label or define exactly what is out there. He was told at a church membership council that he and Alex were not capable of receiving revelation because they were not worthy of the Spirit.

That statement was a defining moment in figuring out where he actually stands.

What both of them agree on is that God, whatever that looks like, just wants people to be happy.

"Identity is not what was handed to you by your culture or your religion. Those things shape you, but they are not you."

The Baby

"I know God's love for everyone is so much stronger than even what my mom has for me. And she has loved me through everything."

They are expecting a boy in September via gestational carrier. Their carrier lives in Boise and has no genetic tie to the child. The road to get here was not easy. They miscarried their first attempt, a pregnancy they had hoped was a girl, and the grief of that was something neither of them were prepared for.

Parker, who told Alex early in their marriage that he did not want kids, changed his mind gradually over the last few years as he found more peace with himself and his life. He says he was emotionally and spiritually unprepared for the idea of parenthood for a long time, not because he did not want love in his life but because he had not yet settled into his own identity enough to feel ready to give it.

He got there. And now they are ready.

On Traditional Family Structures

Parker's response to people who struggle with the idea of a non-traditional family was not defensive. It was genuinely curious.

What piece of what we have to offer do you think we are missing?

Both of them have an abundance of nurturing, love, and intentionality that most parents never have to develop the way they did. This child was planned, wanted, fought for financially and emotionally, and is arriving into a family that has had more than two years of preparation.

They are also surrounded by women who will be part of their son's life. They are not trying to replace anything. They are building something.

Alex put it simply. The most important factor in raising a child is not the identity of the parents. It is the personality and the love of the people doing the raising.

"What piece of what we have to offer do you think we are missing? That would be my question to anyone who had a concern about us raising a child."

Live and Let Live

When I asked what they wanted to leave listeners with, Parker said it without hesitation.

Let people live their lives.

Being critical is not fun for anyone. It is not fun to be critical and it is not fun to be criticized. And at the end of all of it, joy and love are the goal. For everyone. That is not a radical idea.

It is just a simple one that somehow keeps getting complicated.

You're awesome 🌈

Brynne

Thanks for Being Here

Hi, I’m Brynne. I share my journey of becoming through stories and reflection - guided by a higher power as I explore identity, faith, and everyday life, inviting you to grow alongside me.

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