Honoring Where You Are: Why Small Steps and Self Compassion Beat Forcing It Every Time

What is on my mind today is something I think a lot of us wrestle with. The gap between where we are and where we want to be, and the way we talk to ourselves in that gap. Because the way we close that gap matters just as much as the goal itself.

✨Listen to the full episode or read for the breakdown.

Getting Clear on What You Actually Want

Before anything can shift, you have to get honest about what you actually want and why. Not what you think you should want, not what looks good from the outside, but what you genuinely need your life, body and your energy to support. For me that meant asking what I actually wanted to be able to do. Hike and bike and kayak. Run around with my kids. Wake surf without injuring myself. Get up off the floor without making a sound about it. Bend over and shave my legs comfortably.

Simple things that matter to me.

Once I got clear on that, the whole framing changed. I was no longer chasing a number or a look. I was building toward a life I actually wanted to live. And that is a completely different kind of motivation.

What Happens When You Go Too Hard Too Fast

Here is something I learned the hard way. Forcing it, does not work.

I came out of a hard season trying to jump straight back into intense daily workouts and restricted eating, determined to get back to where I was before as fast as possible. For about a week or two I pushed hard. And then I completely crashed. For three weeks I could hardly function. I was exhausted, probably fried my adrenals, and needed to nap constantly.

It completely backfired. And instead of shaming myself about it, I tried to sit with it and ask an honest question.

"What does it actually need right now?"

That question changed everything.

"The way we close the gap between where we are and where we want to be matters just as much as the goal itself."

Getting Creative Instead of Getting Stuck

"Creativity only shows up when you take shame out of the equation. The moment you stop telling yourself you should be able to do this, you make room for actual problem solving."

That is when I stopped going hard and started getting creative. And here is the thing about creativity, it only shows up when you take shame out of the equation. The moment you stop telling yourself you should be able to do this or why can't I just do this, you make room for actual problem solving.

Walking felt doable, so I walked. I loaded everyone up, grabbed the dog, and went out for 15 minutes whenever it felt right. That was it. No meal plan, no timeline, no dramatic overhaul. Just one small thing that moved me in the direction I actually wanted to go. And it was enough.

What Happened When I Stopped Forcing It

Here is the part that still surprises me. When I gave myself permission to just honor what I wanted to do, I incrementally started wanting to do more. Not because I planned it or set a new goal or woke up one day with a fresh burst of motivation. It just happened naturally.

Some days it is walking. Some days it is Pilates. Some days it is a three mile hike. Some days it is nothing because I am tired and that is what I need. I check in each morning and ask what I want to do and what my schedule actually allows. And then I honor that. No shame, no race, no comparison to anyone else's timeline or journey. Just me, checking in, and doing the next right thing.

"I am not in this as a race. I am in this for the long game."

The Long Game

Urgency works for some people sometimes. But when it does not, especially if you are carrying something heavy like grief or stress or burnout, that is not the moment to push harder. That is the moment to show up for yourself with love and take care of your most basic needs first.

There is no rule that says you have to have a deadline on becoming or figuring yourself out.

What matters is that you keep the vision of where you want to be somewhere in your mind, check in with yourself daily, and ask what one small thing you can do to move closer to it. One liter of water. A 15 minute walk. Something that seems small but is everything when you are building from the ground up.

Small steps. Honor where you are. Show yourself grace.

You got this,

🤟🏼 Brynne

Thanks for Being Here

Hi, I’m Brynne. I share my journey of becoming through stories and reflection - guided by a higher power as I explore identity, faith, and everyday life, inviting you to grow alongside me.

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