What Happened After Ryan Shared His Story: A Follow-Up on Faith, Hard Conversations, and Leading With Love

After Ryan's first episode dropped, something unexpected happened. He shared it on social media, which he said felt surprisingly vulnerable, and the response was overwhelming. Thirty to forty people reached out. Some simply said thank you. Others shared their own stories, people he had not spoken to in over a decade, bearing their souls and reconnecting over something deeply personal. A few were still active in the LDS faith and said the episode still resonated with them. Ryan even set up lunches with people he had completely lost touch with.

It was a reminder of what happens when someone is brave enough to say the thing out loud.

This follow up conversation was one of my favorites because it went beyond Ryan's personal story and into something that applies to all of us. How do we show up for the people we love when they are walking a path we do not fully understand?

✨Listen to the full episode or read for the breakdown.

What People on the Outside Get Wrong

One of the most valuable things Ryan shared was his honest take on what is actually helpful for family members and friends watching someone navigate a faith transition. And his first instinct was not to answer with a list of dos and don'ts. It was simpler than that.

Just ask.

Ask the person what they need. Ask if they want to talk about it or if they would rather just be loved without the conversation. Our parents never really brought it up with Ryan, which created some tension at times, but they also never stopped inviting him over, never stopped showing up, and never stopped choosing love. Our mom eventually told him she had been waiting for him to bring it up himself.

Sometimes love just looks like staying in the room.

What Actually Helps When Someone Is in Transition

Ryan was clear that in the early stages of his journey, the most helpful thing people did was simply let him say the words without trying to fix him. His college roommate did not have answers. He did not try to pull Ryan back toward belief or push him further away. He just asked if Ryan was okay, offered to skip church and go on a hike instead, and stayed present.

That was it. That was everything.

I think about the night Ryan sat Dallin and me down on the futon during COVID and told us he no longer believed in the same God. I remember feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to say. But my instinct was to ask questions. What do you believe now? Where are you with this? How can I support you? Not to fix or redirect, just to understand. That same approach has served me in conversations about identity, politics, and religion with people I love and even strangers at the park.

Curiosity is almost always the right place to start.

"Questions that start with what tend to open things up. Questions that start with why tend to feel like an interrogation, even when the intent is kind."

Questions That Help and Questions That Hurt

"Sometimes love just looks like staying in the room. Not fixing, not redirecting. Just staying."

Ryan offered some of the most practical advice of this episode when he talked about which questions land well and which ones do not.

Questions that start with what tend to open things up. What has this been like for you? What do you believe now? What do you need from me? Those feel safe and curious.

Questions that start with why tend to feel like an interrogation, even when the intent is kind. Why are you leaving? Why don't you believe anymore? The word why can feel like a demand for justification even when that is not what you meant at all.

And one question Ryan would steer almost completely clear of is have you ever had a spiritual experience? In his experience, that question almost always feels like an attempt to pull someone back to where they were, to remind them of reasons they should stay. It rarely lands the way it is intended.

Lead with love and honesty. Acknowledge that you do not want to get it wrong. And then ask what they need.

Both People Get to Have an Experience

Something Ryan said toward the end of this conversation felt really important and I do not want to gloss over it. It is easy to focus entirely on supporting the person in transition. But the people receiving that news get to have an experience too. It can be uncomfortable and confusing and even painful to hear that someone you love is walking away from something you hold sacred.

That is allowed.

What matters is that both people try to stay honest, stay curious, and keep choosing to see each other as more than just the belief system in question. If you genuinely cannot get past it in the moment, the most loving thing you can do might simply be to say I love you and I do not know what to say right now and leave it there for a while.

Honesty and love together are almost always enough to keep the door open.

"Lead with love. Choose love.

That is the parting thought I can share with anybody."

Choose Love.

Ryan's parting words in this episode were simple and I keep coming back to them.

Lead with love. Choose love.

Not because it is easy or because it always feels natural in the moment. But because at the end of all of it, no matter where anyone lands on questions of faith and belief and identity, love is what keeps relationships intact. It is what keeps people in each other's lives through all the hard and changing and becoming.

I am so grateful Ryan was willing to share his story publicly and then come back to talk about what happened next. These are the conversations I started this podcast to have. And I genuinely believe that the more we practice having them, the better we get.

We are all figuring this out. The least we can do is figure it out together.

Make it a great day 💕

Brynne

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Hi, I’m Brynne. I share my journey of becoming through stories and reflection - guided by a higher power as I explore identity, faith, and everyday life, inviting you to grow alongside me.

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