Choosing Yourself Is Not Necessarily Selfish: Heather Campbell on Faith Expansion and Mixed Faith Marriage

Heather Campbell has been struggling with the LDS church since primary. Not quietly, not occasionally, but consistently and deeply, in the way empaths do, where nothing unsettling can be easily shaken. She spent decades faking it, fitting in, and showing up every Sunday while her nervous system quietly screamed. Six years ago she finally chose herself. This is what that looked like.

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When It Started and Why It Took So Long

Heather's earliest memories of church discomfort go back to childhood. Teachings that felt more fear-based than love-based. Guidance to be careful around non-members when she knew her non-member neighbors were wonderful people. She did not know how to voice any of it, so she carried it quietly and told herself she must be the problem.

Through her teenage years she faked her way through it. Her now-husband was going on a mission and she knew her chances of marrying him depended on her participation. So she stayed. She studied, prayed, went to the temple, did all the things. Nothing clicked.

The shame of not being able to just enjoy church weighed on her constantly.

The tipping point came after her fourth baby when she was asked to teach a Young Women's lesson she could not stand behind. She realized she had been betraying herself every single Sunday to keep everyone else comfortable.

She asked to be released. She told her husband. He was amazing.

What a Mixed Faith Marriage Can Look Like

For the first four years after stepping away, Heather still attended sacrament meeting to support Tyler and their kids. Two years ago she stopped going weekly but still shows up for baptisms, programs, primary talks, and any time her kids are involved.

Her ward has been remarkable. No pushy texts. No showing up at the door. No treating her or her kids differently. She does not take that for granted.

She knows that is not everyone's experience.

The hardest days are her kids' baptisms, not because she wants to stop them but because the old shame cycle comes back. She sits in the pew and wonders why she cannot just be happy. She processes it privately with a small circle of safe people, lets it move through, and shows up for her kids without making it about her.

Her kids ask why she does not come to church. She tells them mommy believes differently and that is okay. Daddy believes what the church teaches and that is okay too. When they are older, they get to decide.

She is healing her inner child in real time through those conversations.

"I realized I was betraying myself every single Sunday to keep everyone else comfortable. That was my tipping point."

What Is Guiding Her Now

"Stepping away is not easy on our side either. It is the most gut-wrenching, heartbreaking thing I have ever done. A little love and support goes such a long way."

Heather does not name her higher power and she does not need to. She believes in one, she asks it for help, and she feels comfort in that connection. What guides her daily is simpler.

Love.

She leads her parenting, her marriage, and her decisions through the lens of love. She still teaches her kids the values she carries from the church because she genuinely aligns with them, family first, honesty, generosity, service. She just keeps religion out of it and creates learning moments from real life instead.

The biggest shift since stepping away has been feeling lighter. Less shame. Less the constant weight of not being enough. Her nervous system finally feels safe because she is living in alignment with herself.

What She Wants Families to Know

Heather was clear about something she wants people to understand. Stepping away from the church is not a casual decision. It is gut-wrenching and heartbreaking and one of the hardest things she has ever done. For families watching a loved one step away, the most powerful response is not judgment or ultimatums.

It is: wow, I bet that is so hard. How can I support you?

That does not mean pretending to agree. Honesty is fine. But honesty delivered with love and compassion lands completely differently than honesty delivered from fear. And for those on the receiving end of a fearful reaction, Heather's advice is to extend grace. They are reacting from love too, even when it does not look like it.

"You will never regret choosing yourself and doing what is best for you, even if it is different from what everyone else is doing."

Her Advice for Anyone in the Thick of It

Find safe people. Be vulnerable. Trust that your intuition is trying to tell you something if the same question keeps coming up over and over and will not leave you alone.

It is okay to choose yourself.

It is okay to make other people uncomfortable. Their reactions are not your responsibility. Living in alignment with what feels true to you, day in and day out, is more important than managing everyone else's feelings about your choices.

You will never regret choosing yourself.

You got this 🌈

Brynne

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Hi, I’m Brynne. I share my journey of becoming through stories and reflection - guided by a higher power as I explore identity, faith, and everyday life, inviting you to grow alongside me.

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